Apr. 18th, 2006

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Completeness. That's what I miss - the completeness of being with someone who is just so right that even knowing they're in the next room reading the paper makes you feel warm inside. Funny - because up until a year or so ago, I never had that completeness - so therefore I couldn't miss it. But strangely I did. I missed the relationship we never had even though I know now that we'd connected other than in my dreams. But can you miss something you never had? I don't know. All I do know is that I can drive myself slowly crazy thinking of things like that. So it's a good thing we both believed in the power of connections and that I've got him in my life now - so he can tell me to stop thinking crazy things - to stop worrying about things that I can't control. Ever the pragmatic Yorkshireman, he knows just what to say to bring me out of one of my thinking too hard moods.

And right now he's not here; not because he wants to be away, but because he has to be. But that doesn't comfort me. I miss that completeness - of knowing that everything's right; I miss him... And although I've closed my eyes, I can't even imagine that he's in the next room. Come home soon.


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June 2007

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